All the Heavy Lifting ( How St. Benedict Helped Me Become a Better Layman)

I struggle with spirituality. I don't do great works of charity, there isn't any time for that because of the three (almost four) kids. I can't play music or sing, so I'm not involved with church music. I'm not an extraordinary minister because I struggle to make it to church regularly. I can't be a deacon because I'm too young and I don't have time for training. I don't donate a lot because i just started a new job and we bought a new house and diapers are expensive. I don't lead Bible studies since I work nights and weekends I don't have many friends. I am not great orator or demagogue. What's a guy to do?

In fact, mothing in my life qualifies me as what most people would describe as profound Christian. I used to worry a lot about that and I used to really worry that all my reasons were just excuses. I fought a huge internal battle of insecurity, worry, and doubt until I discovered something so profound that it changed the way I looked at life and convinced me that I really am Catholic, monasticism in a little monastery called Christ in the Desert.

Christ in the Desert is a Benedictine monastery in New Mexico. I don't remember exactly how I found out about it other than at the time I was investigating Catholic spirituality as part of the RCIA program and I was really interested in the American Southwest. Since the monks there observe the Benedictine life I naturally did some research to find out what it was all about. St. Benedict established a rule for monks to live by. Wikipedia (a good source for cursory information- don't let anyone fool you) sums up the rule as this, Pax and ora et labora, which means "peace," and "pray and work." This naturally hit me like a lightning bolt from the clear blue sky I happened to be sitting under while I smoked a cigar and contemplated this. 

All the work I had been doing suddenly made sense. I wasn't going to be the next Padre Pio or Fulton Sheen and I didn't have to be. I just had to keep doing what I was doing. I still struggle with doubts and I am by no means an overly peaceful person and no one can ever part enough, but that's okay. As the greatest saints struggled with their great work I will struggle with mine, raising a family and doing right by them. 

Pax and ora et labora.